13th December, 2024
01:30 AM
Today, I woke up a little earlier than usual. The plan was to visit my cousin before she returns to her in-laws’ house. She’s expecting, and I couldn’t miss the chance to see her.
I got dressed in my cozy purple sweater and light blue jeans, pairing them with a multi-colored hijab. There was a quiet excitement in my heart. My mother, sister, and aunt joined me, and together, we made our way to her home, arriving just in time for lunch.
Lunch was delightful. My aunt, who we call mame, is an incredible cook. She’s the only person whose food I love as much as my mother’s. Every bite felt like a journey back to childhood, a taste of simpler, happier times.
As we sat and talked, my cousin casually mentioned something unexpected — my ex had gotten engaged. The wedding is set for next year. Her words hit me like a gust of cold wind. For a moment, I didn’t know how to react. I kept my composure, listening quietly as she described his fiancée — a sweet, homey girl, the kind his parents always wanted for him. I even managed to smile and say I was happy for him.
But deep down, I felt a familiar sting. It’s been four years since we parted ways, yet the wound remains unhealed. I’m realizing now that I still carried a fragile, hollow hope that somehow, someday, we might find our way back to each other. Maybe he would call, maybe life would weave our paths together again. Hearing about his engagement shattered that last thread of hope.
I’ve always been slow to process pain. My first instinct is to brush it aside, to tell myself, It’s okay, it’s not a big deal. It feels like a reflex I’ve developed over time — a shield to protect myself. But now, as I write these words, the emotions I had pushed away are spilling over. Tears are streaming down my face, and the sadness feels like an old friend visiting once again.
I thought I had let go, but the truth is, some strings still held me to him. I had imagined a life together, once upon a time. He had promised me the same. And now, as he prepares to marry someone else, I am left to pick up the final pieces of a story that ended long ago.
Perhaps this is the closure I needed. It’s time to truly move on, to make space for someone new in my life — someone I can love fully, without hesitation or reservation. This time, I want to be better. I want to give my heart unconditionally, to love wholeheartedly, without fear or boundaries. I’ve come to understand that the people who leave me never return, no matter how much I hope or wait. So, from now on, I want to love them fully while they’re still here. I want to give my heart unreservedly, to hold nothing back, so that when the time comes for them to go — because it always does — I’m left with no regrets. I want to look back and know that I loved them fiercely, that I gave them the best of me, and that I cherished every fleeting moment we shared.
